Revelations...

Do you ever have your blog written in your head before you even sit in front of your computer? This morning, while walking Manolo, I was writing my blog in my head.

It went something like this:
-I was kicking myself, again, because I had another night of binges and no exercise. That makes ZERO minutes of exercise this week...remember my promise to do 7 hours this week?
-I was wondering why I'm doing it? Why can't I get off my ass and do something other than open the refrigerator door?
-I was thinking of how sad I am...how I really haven't been the same since returning from vacation...AND THEN IT HIT ME!

I'm homesick.

I'm really homesick. You'd think that 2 weeks with my family would make me want to kill them (which it did) and want to get back to NJ ASAP. Yes, my family drove me nuts, but I had so much fun seeing my friends and my beautiful city that it just made me realize what I don't have here in NJ. I don't have friends. I hate my job. I hate the area I live in. Blah, blah, blah. Bitch, whine, bitch, whine.

I'm miserable at work. I avoid talking to people at all costs b/c I'm in such a foul mood. All day I tell myself how I'm going to workout that night and plan on what I'll do at the gym, but as soon as the work day is over, I just think about how I just want to go home, watch TV and go to bed early. I'm clearly depressed. What's making me even more depressed is my eating and gaining weight and clothes starting to get snug again. I promised myself I'd never get back over 200 again, but here I am!

What's it going to take to get me out of this sadness? How can I snap out of this? How can I get back to eating well and working out?

I'm so frustrated. If there were Oreo's by me, I'd eat them right now...but there isn't. ;)