Thursday, July 23, 2009


I was thinking this morning about all the reasons why I can't wait to get my Lap-Band and what I hope the weight loss results in. I think I've mentioned a few of the reasons before, but I'll list most of them out here now.

-Migraines. I've had migraines almost my whole life so I don't expect them to completely go away, but it feels like they have gotten much worse now that I'm back (well) over 200 lb. The medication I'm on for them now is great, but that's just it; I hate taking so many pills!
-Quality of sleep. Lately, my sleep has been down right awful and I know it's because of my weight. I'm pretty sure I have mild sleep apnea and I know my fattness just gets in the way of my body trying to turn to get comfy.
-Self confidence. Or lack thereof. I'm miserable. I don't want to go out to bars with my friends or go anywhere in public that I don't have to. I'm embarrassed for people to see me who haven't seen me in a long time and I just hide in my house 99% of the time.
-Diabetes. I don't have it, but a few years ago I was tested and was insulin resistant. I stopped taking the meds, lost weight, felt better, and thought that was it. Well, now that I've put the weight back on (plus 20lb) I'm pretty sure I have it again. I know I'm not taking care of myself like I should and really don't ever want to have to take insulin.
-Energy. I have NONE. I cannot wake up in the mornings. I want to go to bed as soon as the sun goes down. I'm pathetic and I know it's because of the weight.
-Vanity. I don't need to be a size 6. I'll settle for a 10, but I just want to have my toned arms, tight butt, and bikini body back that I know I can have. I want to be able to play sports and people know how athletic I really am, not this tub of lard I currently look like :(

I'll add to this if I think of more motivating factors.

Since my surgery isn't for a few months, I'll probably only update a few times a week until things pick up. Just know, I'm around!!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Upper GI / Barium Swallow

Last Friday I had my Upper GI / Barium Swallow Test to look for a hiatal hernia. Even if they found that I did have one, my surgeon will correct it while putting in my band.

Having the test was not a pleasant experience. It was, by far, my least favorite thing I've done since researching weight loss surgery.

My appointment was at 9am, but I needed to arrive at the hospital by 8:30 so they could check me in and get my insurance squared away. No eating after midnight, which was not as difficult as it's been before, but certainly wasn't a breeze. I'm one of those people who has to eat within 30 minutes of getting up. Anyway, got there, got checked in, waited, was called back, and changed into my gown. My gown was enormous. It was like they didn't have an "in between size." I'm probably too big for a regular one, but the big ones swallowed me whole.

Once I was dressed, they did my chest x-rays (easy - breezy) then took me back to the GI machine. I immediately had to drink two alka-selzer like tabs and not burp for the next 10 minutes. Next to impossible. All you want to do is let out a big burp! Then, I stood on this platform while they put this machine on my chest and I drank this thick chalky paste like goop that had a hint of fruit flavor in it. It was disgusting. I just took large gulps to get it all down. Then, the table I was leaning against turned sideways so I was laying down with this other machine on my chest / tummy. I had to quickly roll around so my stomach would get coated with that paste. They kept telling me which way to turn and, honestly, I soon forgot my left from my right! Then, I had to drink another concoction that was slightly thinner, but just as gross and turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, so the radiologist could take pictures. The worst part, though, was when I had to lay on my side, raise my head and drink water...harder than it sounds!!!!

Afterward, they told me to take a laxative b/c it would be slow moving and would come out white (which it did, lol!!!). Apparently, I'll have to get another of these immediately after surgery to make sure all went well...not looking forward to that!!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Diagnostic Appt.

So today I went to my surgeon's office and had my first round of tests run. Because my insurance will not be covering the procedure, I have to jump through many fewer hoops than the average potential bander.

I arrived, gave the nurse my packet of paper work, we went back and they took my height and weight. I came in at 252lb and 5'9". Next, I had my waist and neck measured. They came in at 39" and 15", respectively. Next, I met with the Nurse Practitioner who went over my medical history and performed a light physical (lungs, heart, ears, eyes, etc.). Then, the Exercise Physiologist came in and did my EKG. It came out normal so no stress test for me! Finally, they took some blood.

Then, I met with the Lap-Band Advocate (who did the seminar) and we discussed additional testing, potential surgery dates, and financing. Basically, the only testing I have left to do is an upper GI / chest x-ray and meeting with a dietician. I'm actually getting the upper GI / chest x-ray done tomorrow morning. They will be looking to see if I have a hiatal hernia. I haven't scheduled meeting the dietician, but will.

As for surgery dates, she asked if I would like to do it in a few weeks, but to be honest, I can't. I recently started a new job so I must build up some days to take off. Also, I'd like to save a little more money before having to finance. Also, I have so much going on within the next few months. I just can't slow down for 2-4 weeks. So, my tentative date is 11/20. If, for some reason, that date falls through, I'll do it one of the last few Friday's in October.

I'm really excited and can't wait for it to actually happen so I can get this MARATHON underway!

Monday, July 13, 2009

A visual...

I was supposed to attend my 3rd seminar on Saturday, but I f'ed up the time and missed it. So, now I'm pretty sure I know the surgeon I will be using and will be going to his office on Thursday morning for my diagnostic appointment.

Just to give a visual of how I can look when I am thinner (and this is still heavy for me) and what I look like now, I've decided to post a few pictures:


Thinn(er) times:

Friday, July 10, 2009

Where I am, how I got here, and what I'm doing about it

Where I am....

I currently weigh 254 lbs and am 5'8" tall. Weight has been something I have struggled with of my life. I have been on a diet since I was 4 years old and have always been the chunky, heavy, chubby, larger, overweight girl. I've always been the girl with such a pretty face.

How I got here...

I always felt restricted as a child. My mom wouldn't let me have PB&J as a kid; I had to eat a turkey sandwich (no mayo, mustard only). I couldn't have ice cream at lunch like all the other kids; I got carrot sticks. So, I began hording and bingeing. I would come home from school and, while my mom was still at work, would binge on whatever I could find and would hide it. I wouldn't purge, either. I've done this since I was 7.

I've been able to get "thinner." Not skinny, but probably what the average person would call's just taken me working my ass off in the gym, spending $$$ on diet programs, or being very closely supervised in terms of what I eat. As soon as I get to that good size, I balloon back to the weight I was before, plus some. And that's how I got to 254.

What I'm doing about it...

I've decided to get a Lap-Band. This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life and I hate it. My foot is screwed up because of the weight, my migraines have gotten worse, I can't sleep at night, my (fat) clothes don't fit, and I sweat like the fattest pig ever.

I no longer want to be the fat girl. I don't want to worry about what I'm wearing or where I can buy clothes. I want to get married. I want to have kids. I don't want to be a fat mom. I would give my right arm just to be "normal." Not thin, just normal.

I am currently in the process of deciding who will be my surgeon. I already know that my insurance will not pay for it so I will be footing the bill all on my own. I am looking for a surgeon who accepts credit, whose staff I like, and who has a decent price. I think I have found the place, but I will be attending one more seminar on Saturday for another surgeon just to be sure.

In any event, I have an appointment with my likely surgeon's office next Thursday for my diagnostic appointment. There, they will go over my paperwork, take bloodwork, and decide if I need further testing.

I'm really excited about this journey and can't wait for it to begin!