Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Let's Be Honest...

Got on the scale today, I'm now up 16lb from 4.5 weeks ago. Wow. Shame on me, right? I was hoping I'd never have to feel my pants be too tight or be unhappy in clothes that I have, but here I am. Back in this position.

The bad thing is I'm going on a cruise before I go back to my surgeon. So, it's pretty safe to say I'll prob. be up 20 freaking pounds by the time they add fluid back. UGH. UGH. UGH.

In positive news, I had a great weekend! On Friday one of the PMOs told me to work from home Monday and Tuesday. So, today is my first day in the office this week! 3 day week this week, 2 day week next week (then cruise!), then 3 day week when I get back. Not too shabby, right?

Thursday night I went out and had a good time. Was definitely hungover on Friday. Sunday I went to the Yankees game (barf. Go Braves!) and had a liiiiiittle too much to drink. There was a 2 hour rain delay so we went to a bar around the corner from the stadium. We met some boys, had some drinks, and generally enjoyed ourselves. Thank goodness I didn't have to come in to work on Monday.

My only complaint is some frustration I'm having with a friend. She's the one I generally go drink with. She's pretty. Typical beautiful blonde. However, I'm starting to get the "frenemy" vibe from her. Say some guy is giving me attention...she does everything in her power to have the attention switched from me to her. So frustrating. And then, she makes excuses for me because I'm from Georgia. Say someone says something not true that I believe (I'm slightly gullible, but mostly I pretend to be as a flirtation) and she's like, "Oh! Don't worry about her. She's from Georgia...she doesn't get it." And she says this to everyone. I may be Southern, honey, but I'm not an idiot. And at least I'm polite. You might want to try it. It will get you a lot further in life.

OK. I'm going to end this. I can't get my thoughts to come out right.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


OMG. I went to the gym yesterday. Go me.

I will never be a gym rat. I hate working out. I hate sweating. I hate doing monotonous things (like a treadmill, elliptical, etc.).

However, I made myself go immediately after work. If I go home to change or anything, I won't go. So I went directly from work and plan to do so again today.

My workout yesterday was one of those that prevents you from walking, sitting on the toilet, getting up from said toilet, etc the next day. My.legs.hurt. But they hurt soooooo good ;)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Homesickness: Possibly Averted?

Oh my...what a fab weekend! Probably the best since I've lived up here. Not only did I go out, have people over, and have fun, but I lost 2 of the pounds I've gained since having the fluid in my band taken out!

Friday night was super chill. I cleaned up a storm in my house. My house looks spotless...Or it did. Yesterday I noticed dog hair on the hardwoods. Ugh. The joys of pet ownership.

Saturday I ran errands, did a little shopping, and laid by the pool for a few hours. I was planning to pop a pizza in the oven and watch my Netflix that night, but one of the girls from Thursday texted me and invited me out with her and a few of the other girls. So off I went! We had such a good time. Hopped to a few bars and finally ended up at this really great bar that has a huuuuuge outdoor area. We chatted with some guys and one guy even bought me a drink. That hasn't happened in years. Stayed until after last call and ended up at home around 2 am.

Sunday was pool day. I was out by 11:30 and stayed out until 4! One of my friends from the night before came over so time flew by as we chatted and got some sun. It was really nice. I passed out at 9pm.

17 days until my cruise. I'm so excited about it. I'm also so excited that in 22 days, I get fluid put back in my band and I can get back on the right path.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Oh My! A Positive Post!

I thought I might shake things up a bit and write about something positive. I swear I'm really a super happy, positive person in real life. I just take my frustrations out on my blog so I sound like a sour-puss...I'm not!

Still struggling with having a near-empty band, but I'm making it. I've decided to stop stressing about it, live my life, and know that the weight will come off again. But I will tell you this...I cannot WAIT to get some fluid back in there!

Last night I went out with some girls to a super fancy restaurant here (the owners used to own the super fancy (overpriced) restaurant on the lake in the park in NYC) for a class in how to make certain drinks. Last night we learned how to make 3 types of Sangria: red, white, and blueberry (they do this each month...last month it was Gin). It was sooooo so so fun and I met a few new girls that I certainly plan to hang out with in next week! Def. got a little buzzed and stayed out much later than I had planned (thought I'd be home by 9pm...ha!)

Anyway, I really hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I plan on hanging by (and when I say by I mean in) the pool both days, maybe doing some LIGHT shopping, and turning over my DVR to the evil cable company. I got rid of cable, HBO (GOODBYE TRUE BLOOD!!!), and my DVR so save some money. :( Sometimes we have to do some painful things!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Do you ever have your blog written in your head before you even sit in front of your computer? This morning, while walking Manolo, I was writing my blog in my head.

It went something like this:
-I was kicking myself, again, because I had another night of binges and no exercise. That makes ZERO minutes of exercise this week...remember my promise to do 7 hours this week?
-I was wondering why I'm doing it? Why can't I get off my ass and do something other than open the refrigerator door?
-I was thinking of how sad I I really haven't been the same since returning from vacation...AND THEN IT HIT ME!

I'm homesick.

I'm really homesick. You'd think that 2 weeks with my family would make me want to kill them (which it did) and want to get back to NJ ASAP. Yes, my family drove me nuts, but I had so much fun seeing my friends and my beautiful city that it just made me realize what I don't have here in NJ. I don't have friends. I hate my job. I hate the area I live in. Blah, blah, blah. Bitch, whine, bitch, whine.

I'm miserable at work. I avoid talking to people at all costs b/c I'm in such a foul mood. All day I tell myself how I'm going to workout that night and plan on what I'll do at the gym, but as soon as the work day is over, I just think about how I just want to go home, watch TV and go to bed early. I'm clearly depressed. What's making me even more depressed is my eating and gaining weight and clothes starting to get snug again. I promised myself I'd never get back over 200 again, but here I am!

What's it going to take to get me out of this sadness? How can I snap out of this? How can I get back to eating well and working out?

I'm so frustrated. If there were Oreo's by me, I'd eat them right now...but there isn't. ;)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Continuing on the downward (upward?) spiral & Recipe!

Bad news first: I can't stop eating. And I can't stop eating bad food! Sundays are my grocery shopping day and yesterday I did well. I bought ingredients to make Portabello Mushroom Pizza (mushroom is the dough), WW spaghetti, healthy quesadillas, & healthy breakfasts.

Items I did not buy: milk & cereal. I've known this all my life: I cannot have milk or cereal in my house. I will eat it. FAST. Also did not buy fatty snacks (cookies, ice cream, etc.).

Also, I went to the Offspring and 311 (love!) concert on Saturday. When I got there, some friends were tailgating and offered me a beer. Who am I to turn them down? I ended up having 5 that night...ugh.

I'm scared to get on the scale so I'm just not going to do it this week. I'm upping my exercise and am planning healthy meals so, hopefully (*crosses fingers*) I can drop a few lbs before I weigh in next Monday.

I put on my one pair of shorts that I own (14s) and I had muffin top! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Good news: Yesterday I decided to make a super yummy fruit salad. I had some fruit in the house that was about to go bad and bought a few types of fruit to add to it. It even has a yummy glaze on it that adds a little sweetness w/o a lot of calories.

Fruit Salad & Banana Glaze
1 banana
2 Tbsp honey
Juice from 1 lemon

Peel banana and cut into large chunks (think 1/3 chunks). Place in a shallow bowl and squeeze lemon on banana. Add honey. Mash up banana with a fork until it's a smooth, yet thick liquid. Pour into bowl before chopping fruit (I do this b/c when I chop up the apples, I throw them into the glaze immediately so they don't start to turn brown).

Salad (You can use any fruit, but this is just what I had on hand):
1 apple, chopped in chunks
2 pears, chopped in chunks
1 can of Mandarin Oranges, in light syrup, drained
1 lb. of strawberries, chopped in chunks
handful of grapes, halved

Chop up all the fruit and add to the glaze. It's yummy AND healthy.

Friday, July 9, 2010

BYOC - My 1st!

I have NEVER done a BYOC, but this one had a question I particularly liked so here we go:

1. Love or money? High salary or job satisfaction?

Love & job satisfaction. I currently have a job where I make a lot of money, but I hate it. I hate coming to work every day, I am not so fond of a few of my coworkers, and I'm really just not happy with what I do. It's not the company, it's the industry and it's the type of work I do. I am a perfect example of how money can't buy happiness. I want to do something I feel is fulfilling; something that I can look back at when I'm old or when I'm no longer in this world and know that I made a difference.

This has lead me to have a few lightbulbs go off in my head and I'm hoping to talk about some changes I plan to make...however don't expect me to talk about the changes anytime soon. It's going to take a while to come to fruition.

2. What is your favorite time of day?

Evening / night during the week and daytime during the weekend. On weekends you'll find me by the pool or playing tennis...two of my favorite hobbies. During the week, I really enjoy vegging out and watching mindless tv in the evenings.

3. My in-laws just had their wills done so it made me wonder this. Do you have a will? Did you tell anyone your wish to be kept alive or not?

I don't have a will. It's a given that if something were to happen to me, my parents get it all. I'm single, have no dependents, so mom & dad get everything.

My mom and I have spoken about our post-mortem wishes. She knows I want to be cremated and, due to the Terry Shiavo incident, they are also well aware that they should let me go if there is no hope of me getting better. No life support. It's how God made us.

4. Repeat question. Pick one thing for one day you'll do next week that aids in your physical or mental health.

Exercise for 7 hours a week!

5. Repeat questions. Make someone a superstar for a moment...whose comment or blog stuck with you this week and why.

I don't get an excess of comments (which is okay, I'm not so good at commenting on others blogs), but I did enjoy Band Groupie's comment earlier this week...turns out we're sisters in fills. She just had 2cc taken out, too, and is at 3.9cc like me!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

We take the good with the bad

I mentioned I had an unfill on the 28th.

The good:
-I'm able to eat things I haven't eaten since before getting the band.
-I'm eating solid protein, veggies, and drinking tons of water with ease!
-Reflux has subsided

The bad:
-I have ZERO restriction. My band is so open that food goes through like it did before I got it.
-I've gained weight...Oh yes, I have. I'm not going to say how much, because it's quite embarrassing to have gained this amount in 11 days. My goal is to get it off in the next 28 days, though.
-Because I can eat, I've been eating things I SHOULDN'T. Examples: pizza, pancakes, cereal (total trigger food), Nachos Bell Grande (total weakness), Cheetos etc.

I have to get this under control. I'm considering signing up for a month of Weight Watchers just so I can monitor points.

I'm completely aware that I've been eating things I shouldn't and that I should be using this month to learn to eat nutritious foods that I couldn't two weeks ago. I'd like to think that I'm just getting this out of my system, but I know better than that. It's just an excuse and I'm tired of making excuses. Excuses are what got me to where I was and why I needed the band. This last week and a half shows me why I needed the band and shows me that I still have issues with food.

Like a fish back in the water

Growing up, I was a competitive swimmer for 9 years. I swam year-round and competed at a very high level. I was amazing, if I do say so myself!

Fast forward 13 years and I haven't swam a single lap in a pool...until last night. I'm finally semi-comfortable being in a swimsuit (a conservative, lap-swimming one piece) and decided to start taking advantage of the pools at my gym!

Gosh, what a difference 13 years makes. I used to be able to swim my heart out 4 days a week for 2 hours a day! Last night, I had to FIGHT to keep swimming for 40 minutes! I did it, though, and my arms are hurting like a mother today, as are my hip flexors.

You'd think that because it was so difficult that I'd be discouraged. Oh no no. Not so, my fine blogger friends! It makes me want to work harder to get back into the shape I was in while I was competing!

However, I do have to adjust my workouts. I thought I would be able to swim for at least an hour, but that's not gonna happen. Instead, I'll do a few weights in the actual gym then head to the pool for 40 minutes.

Sound good? Good.

Up next: why I can't stop eating and how much I hate getting unfills. Stay tuned ;)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hating Life...

Ugh. I do not want to be back. Do you have any idea how amazing it was to not think about work for 18 days?!? Or to be out of NJ for 16 days?!? It was bliss...

Vacation was super. It was fabulous. It was just what I needed. I've got a nice little tan going, too!

After I had the 2cc taken out 8 days ago, I fell off the wagon and have gained a few lbs. I was so excited to be able to eat and boy can I!! I only have the slightest bit of restriction now. I'm not eating as much as I was pre-op, but I'm eating more than I have since post-op. So, back on the wagon I go.

I'm going to give myself a personal challenge: 7 hours of exercise per week until I go on my cruise (30 days!). It's going to be tough, but I need something to keep me accountable.

After the cruise (the day we dock), I'm going back to my surgeon in ATL and we are going to discuss adding some of the 2cc back in. I'm fully prepared to get 1cc max put in. I don't think they will be as aggressive with fills from here on out, which I'm completely okay with.

Prior to my fiascos of the last few months, I was aiming for speed when it came to weight loss. Now, I want it to be as painless as possible...I'm speaking both figuratively and literally.

Today, I have eaten (so far):

-Reduced Sugar Oatmeal packet
-Cup of Mandarin Oranges
-Ham & Swiss on low carb tortilla
-Baby Carrots & 1/4 c hummus
-Mini York Patty