Big (fat) Failure!

OK, not really ;)

I didn't follow day 1 of the pouch test to a T. I tried, really I did, but just drinking protein drinks and other liquids is HARD when you are starving and have a mostly empty band. So, I ate solids, but ate mostly protein! I figured that was a good modification.

Woke up this morning and I'm down 1lb from yesterday. That could be because I'm watching what I'm eating or could just be natural fluctuations.

Weird thing going on with my body, though. I'm on the pill, but I take the kind where you only get your period 4x a year. I still have another month left on my pack before I get my period, but I started spotting last night and I feel very bloated and have cramps. I'm so frustrated. Why am I getting my period if I'm not supposed to get it for another month?!?! Sorry if that's TMI!

Day 1 = Fail!!

I failed today :( but I have a good excuse.

I had the opportunity to work from home today and went to lunch with a friend I never get to spend one on one time with. I've stuck pretty close to the all protein portion...it just hasn't been all liquid.

I'll just delay it one day and restart tomorrow!

I'll be sure to update on how it goes.

5 Dy Pouch Test

I'm starting the 5 day pouch test today. I think this is a good idea because I'm getting my fill in one week and really want to cut the current sugar / carb / fatty food cravings I've been having. I also need to re-teach myself how to eat properly using the band.

I think today and tomorrow will be the hardest since they are liquids only. I'll try and update each day with how it's going. Honestly, I just want to skip to Wednesday since I know today and tomorrow are going to be the worst.

My scale said 219.0 this morning so we'll see how I end up on Friday!

I swear I'm not dead...

I'm just super busy! I'm currently working about 2 hours away so I commute 4 hours a day, each day. This is supposed to continue through the end of the year. Can't say I'm super happy about that.

I have some pictures from this past weekend that I need to post. It was super fun. I'll do it later this week, I swear.

Less than two weeks until I fly back to ATL and get my second fill since getting my (mostly) complete unfill. Hopefully this next fill will bring some restriction b/c the scale is not lookin' pretty. I'm up about 25lb since July 1. Yikes!

I have always been honest in this blog and I plan to continue that...no hiding how much I've gained. My thought is that someone who is early in the banding process or is thinking about it might read my blog and see that it's not all roses all the time. Sometimes we struggle with the actual tool and regress a little bit, but (hopefully) we get it fixed and keep moving forward!!!!

Anyway, like I said, I'm not dead...just incredibly busy. I'll give a good update (with pictures!) soon.

You've failed me, fellow bloggers...

Why did no one tell me that Biggest Loser started last night?? I watched Glee, but on the commercial breaks and after Glee was over, I watched Biggest Loser. I'm excited about this season! The one I'm rooting for now is Allie. She had a vertical gastric band put in 8 years ago and it just goes to show you that surgery isn't always the solution to your problems. You can't just get a band and hope that all your problems are solved. You have to change your eating and exercise habits, too!

Anyway, I haven't been blogging much, or even reading many posts because 90% of you are going to Chicago this weekend and you are driving me nuts with your posts!!!! I adore you all and know you are so excited so feel free to keep posting, but I'm probably not reading it ;)

In exactly 30 days I'm going back to Atlanta and in 33 days I get my fillllllll! Oh happy day. This will be my last fill before my 1 year of after-care runs out. Then, I'm going to have to pay for all adjustments, but I think it's only $125 so I can swing that with how infrequently I go back to Atlanta.

I haven't mentioned it because its slightly embarrassing, but I totally had to go buy new pants last weekend. 14s are just too tight. So, back to 16s I go :( I'm miserable, but now see just how helpful my band is and how much I really do need it.

Ohh, Dental Woes!!!

The tooth where my filling fell out at is making me miserable. After finishing my blog yesterday I finally got in touch with the dentist and made an appt for next Friday! I thought I would be uncomfortable until then, but could make it. I asked to work from NJ next Friday so I could go out with my girls Thursday night. Well, earlier in the day today my tooth started really hurting. It felt like I had my wisdom tooth removed again. You know that feeling? Where if feels like the actual bone of your jaw has been sawed on? Yep, that's it. So, I called my dentist back and changed the appt. to this Friday then came back and asked my director if it was okay ;) He didn't really have a choice.

I feel better knowing that I have to wait two days instead of 9, but I'm in some serious pain. I know I can physically make it until this Friday, I just hope I mentally can. Popped two Advil earlier and it feels slightly better.

I did, in fact, exercise Monday night. Took my dog on a good, hard walk. However, I did not exercise last night and seriously doubt if I will until Friday. I really just want to curl up in bed and sleep. :(

Wish the pain was affecting my eating, but it's not. Still shoving food in my face like it's going out of style!

This week's resolution..

is to work out every week day this week for at least 30 minutes.

The weather in DC is really great this week. Highs are in the upper and lower 70s through Friday. I think it will be a great week to take my dog on walks around the area and just be outside as much as possible.

Saturday I went to a county fair in NJ and it was freaking amazing. It was free and OK Go, Train and The Bravery (!!!!!) played. The Bravery was so amazing. They weren't the headliners, OK Go and Train were, but The Bravery was the best of them all...it doesn't hurt that they are one of my favorite bands, either.

I think one of my fillings has come out...I'm currently miserable. This is one of the bad things about traveling for work...I can't just run to the dentist!

Traveling Woes

One of the difficult things about working out of town during the week is traveling and trying to cater my diet to my on-the-road lifestyle.

I try and buy a few groceries to keep at the hotel and snacks to bring to work with me. I typically eat oatmeal & a 4oz greek yogurt for breakfast. For lunch, I eat out a lot, but try and make it healthy since I need a fill and can eat normal portions right now. I bring snacks like almonds, luna bars, things like that. Dinner? I usually eat out again. My hotel does have a range and a microwave, but very limited on utensils and pots & pans. I was able to make pan seared scallops last week, but it's very hard. If I do cook, I bring left overs for lunch.

I'm also working long hours at this client. Back in NJ, when I got home from work, I'd go straight to the gym after letting my dog out. Here, I'm 1. exhausted 2. starving and 3. hate the gym (if you can even call it that) at my hotel. Last week I did pilates in my room using videos online, but really that was it.

Hopefully, I'll be back in NJ full-time in a month. This schedule is not conducive to my lifestyle!!!!!

Bad mood!

Do you ever have days where you are in a bad mood, but you can't really explain why?

I feel like that today.

I'm afraid if someone looks at me wrong, says something that could maybe potentially be taken in a disrespectful way, or if someone does one thing to aggravate me I'm going to go off.

And I had a cookie at lunch. BUT I AM NOT SORRY FOR THAT! I needed it, I wanted it, so I bought it.

I think a lot of it has to do with traveling for work every week. I'm tired of it. I just want to be in NJ and sleep in my own bed and see my friends and have a life. I was just starting to get one when all this commuting b.s. started.

Insanity

So you know that gunman / bomber / hostage taker at the Discovery Channel today? Yeah, so I was there...well, accross the street. My client that I'm working on down here in the DC area is right across the street. We were locked down all afternoon. I was freaking out.

This was my view today:

Executive Decision

I've made an executive decision. Even though I only have 3 hours of vacation left FOR THE YEAR I'm going to take a day off and fly back to ATL to get another fill. I know, it's only been 3 weeks since my last one, but I'm not planning to fly back until mid to late October.

I'm planning this because 1. I'm not staying full. I've done the 4oz / 4 hour protein test and failed miserably. 2. My free year of aftercare expires 11/20. I think late October is a great time and I'll just get a little fill and when I'm home for Christmas (if I need it), I'll get another fill and, hopefully, that will hold me for a while.

Last night I made scallops for dinner. Scallops are not only band friendly (I can eat them when I'm super tight), but are soooo good for you! I sauteed fresh scallops from the seafood counter and made a special asian inspired sauce and it turned out amazing. I felt all chef-like!

I also did pilates in my hotel room using online videos from sparkpeople.com. I can definitely feel my abs today!

Maintaining?

OK, so when I went back to get my fill on 8/9 it turned out that I had gained ~20lb in about 6 weeks. Bad, huh?

So, the NP told me that my goal needs to be to lose those 20lb by the time I come back in December for another fill.

Good news is, I've lost a few of the pounds. Bad news is that it's just not coming off all that easy and, to be honest, I understand why. I'm not working out like I should and my eating is not so great, still. Even though I'm at 4.9 cc, I really have very little restriction. I feel my band, but I don't get full when I should. Therefore, I continue to eat.

I totally know what I have to do, but the motivation is seriously lacking. Boo. And, since I live in a hotel 5 nights a week, eating healthy foods is a true chore. I have a microwave and a refrigerator, but no oven and I can't eat another Lean Cuisine even if you paid me $100.

ALSO, this really weird thing started about 3 weeks ago where I absolutely MUST have something sweet after a meal. It's like my body is craving it! So, I'm trying the SF FF pudding thing, but am getting pretty grossed out really quick. Any ideas?

Seacrest out!

Pee ess: I think I have a few new followers, but can't access your blog! If you are following me and I'm not following you, please comment and leave the address to your blog!

Finally, an update!

I’m now working on a project in the DC area. Good news is that its only for about 5 weeks. Bad news is that I have no idea what project I’ll get on after that. I really don’t want to commute to another city / state. I hate living out of a hotel! I’m also frustrated because I was transferred to NJ to work for a specific client. Now, that client is “on hold” and we have no other clients in that area. I did not sign up for this and do plan on voicing my concerns if this commuting becomes a regular thing.

Vacation was great. The cruise was wonderful; too short, but wonderful (except for me getting Montezuma’s Revenge on the last day. I’ll post a few pictures soon…not of Montezuma’s Revenge, though haha.

The day we got back in the country I found out that my dog had been at the emergency vet while I was gone and was now staying with a friend because the boarding place didn’t want to keep her there. All that happened was that her paws got irritated by the rocks in their outdoor area (seriously, what daycare / boarding place has ROCKS in the outside area?!?! What’s wrong with good old fashioned concrete?) so they took her to the vet. The vet wanted her paws to stay dry so they called my “emergency contact” which they should not have. They were supposed to call my mom first. Anyway, thank goodness for good (new) friends! Manolo had a ball with them and they now love her. Anyway, the boarding facility charged my card and forged my signature to I had to dispute the charge yesterday. I hope they suck it and get sued big time by my cc.

I had my long awaited fill done the day before I flew home. Before this appt. I had 2cc taken out and was at 3.9 cc…pretty much nothing in the band and I ate like a pig for the next 7 weeks. That day, she said she was wary of putting in too much since I was so irritated before at 5.9 cc so she just brought be up to 4.9 cc. I definitely don’t feel tight and can still eat things I shouldn’t, but I’m slowly dropping some pounds that I put on while being (mostly) empty. I do have restriction, not much, but it’s there. That’s a bonus. I’m also really trying hard to work out more…gotta drop these pounds!

Anyway, I'm back and ready to update this joker on a regular basis!

Geeeeeeez...post much?

This will be short but sweet.

Got back from my trip yesterday and drove to DC last night. At work today.

I have 350+ posts to read...my god you guys, it's like you all went on a posting frenzy.

Needless to say, it will take me a while to catch up on your lives.

Vacay! Vacay! Vacay!

Vacay starts tomorrow! Heading to the A (Atlanta for those not in the know) tomorrow afternoon and will celebrate my mom's birthday early.

Thursday a.m. a friend and I will head on to Mobile to meet up with two other friends and start our cruise! Just a quick cruise to Cozumel and back, but will be soooo much fun, esp. with all four of us crammed into one stateroom!

Disembark Monday morning and my friend and I have to HAUL it back to the A so I can get some liquid gold put in my band and then I fly home on Tuesday morning! Voila!

News on the job front is that the client I was transferred up here to work with has put the project "on hold." Personally, I don't think it's going to be taken off hold, but that's beside the point. So, starting next Wednesday, I'm going to be commuting weekly to the D.C. area! HA! I'm really not too thrilled about it, but as long as I'm working with fun people (which I will be), staying busy (which it sounds like I will be), and as long as Manolo comes with, I'm good!

Downside is that I won't get to hang out with my friends during the week, but we'll just have to hang on the weekends. They better not forget about me!

Let's Be Honest...

Got on the scale today, I'm now up 16lb from 4.5 weeks ago. Wow. Shame on me, right? I was hoping I'd never have to feel my pants be too tight or be unhappy in clothes that I have, but here I am. Back in this position.

The bad thing is I'm going on a cruise before I go back to my surgeon. So, it's pretty safe to say I'll prob. be up 20 freaking pounds by the time they add fluid back. UGH. UGH. UGH.

In positive news, I had a great weekend! On Friday one of the PMOs told me to work from home Monday and Tuesday. So, today is my first day in the office this week! 3 day week this week, 2 day week next week (then cruise!), then 3 day week when I get back. Not too shabby, right?

Thursday night I went out and had a good time. Was definitely hungover on Friday. Sunday I went to the Yankees game (barf. Go Braves!) and had a liiiiiittle too much to drink. There was a 2 hour rain delay so we went to a bar around the corner from the stadium. We met some boys, had some drinks, and generally enjoyed ourselves. Thank goodness I didn't have to come in to work on Monday.

My only complaint is some frustration I'm having with a friend. She's the one I generally go drink with. She's pretty. Typical beautiful blonde. However, I'm starting to get the "frenemy" vibe from her. Say some guy is giving me attention...she does everything in her power to have the attention switched from me to her. So frustrating. And then, she makes excuses for me because I'm from Georgia. Say someone says something not true that I believe (I'm slightly gullible, but mostly I pretend to be as a flirtation) and she's like, "Oh! Don't worry about her. She's from Georgia...she doesn't get it." And she says this to everyone. I may be Southern, honey, but I'm not an idiot. And at least I'm polite. You might want to try it. It will get you a lot further in life.

OK. I'm going to end this. I can't get my thoughts to come out right.

Workout

OMG. I went to the gym yesterday. Go me.

I will never be a gym rat. I hate working out. I hate sweating. I hate doing monotonous things (like a treadmill, elliptical, etc.).

However, I made myself go immediately after work. If I go home to change or anything, I won't go. So I went directly from work and plan to do so again today.

My workout yesterday was one of those that prevents you from walking, sitting on the toilet, getting up from said toilet, etc the next day. My.legs.hurt. But they hurt soooooo good ;)

Homesickness: Possibly Averted?

Oh my...what a fab weekend! Probably the best since I've lived up here. Not only did I go out, have people over, and have fun, but I lost 2 of the pounds I've gained since having the fluid in my band taken out!

Friday night was super chill. I cleaned up a storm in my house. My house looks spotless...Or it did. Yesterday I noticed dog hair on the hardwoods. Ugh. The joys of pet ownership.

Saturday I ran errands, did a little shopping, and laid by the pool for a few hours. I was planning to pop a pizza in the oven and watch my Netflix that night, but one of the girls from Thursday texted me and invited me out with her and a few of the other girls. So off I went! We had such a good time. Hopped to a few bars and finally ended up at this really great bar that has a huuuuuge outdoor area. We chatted with some guys and one guy even bought me a drink. That hasn't happened in years. Stayed until after last call and ended up at home around 2 am.

Sunday was pool day. I was out by 11:30 and stayed out until 4! One of my friends from the night before came over so time flew by as we chatted and got some sun. It was really nice. I passed out at 9pm.

17 days until my cruise. I'm so excited about it. I'm also so excited that in 22 days, I get fluid put back in my band and I can get back on the right path.

Oh My! A Positive Post!

I thought I might shake things up a bit and write about something positive. I swear I'm really a super happy, positive person in real life. I just take my frustrations out on my blog so I sound like a sour-puss...I'm not!

Still struggling with having a near-empty band, but I'm making it. I've decided to stop stressing about it, live my life, and know that the weight will come off again. But I will tell you this...I cannot WAIT to get some fluid back in there!

Last night I went out with some girls to a super fancy restaurant here (the owners used to own the super fancy (overpriced) restaurant on the lake in the park in NYC) for a class in how to make certain drinks. Last night we learned how to make 3 types of Sangria: red, white, and blueberry (they do this each month...last month it was Gin). It was sooooo so so fun and I met a few new girls that I certainly plan to hang out with soon...as in next week! Def. got a little buzzed and stayed out much later than I had planned (thought I'd be home by 9pm...ha!)

Anyway, I really hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I plan on hanging by (and when I say by I mean in) the pool both days, maybe doing some LIGHT shopping, and turning over my DVR to the evil cable company. I got rid of cable, HBO (GOODBYE TRUE BLOOD!!!), and my DVR so save some money. :( Sometimes we have to do some painful things!

Revelations...

Do you ever have your blog written in your head before you even sit in front of your computer? This morning, while walking Manolo, I was writing my blog in my head.

It went something like this:
-I was kicking myself, again, because I had another night of binges and no exercise. That makes ZERO minutes of exercise this week...remember my promise to do 7 hours this week?
-I was wondering why I'm doing it? Why can't I get off my ass and do something other than open the refrigerator door?
-I was thinking of how sad I am...how I really haven't been the same since returning from vacation...AND THEN IT HIT ME!

I'm homesick.

I'm really homesick. You'd think that 2 weeks with my family would make me want to kill them (which it did) and want to get back to NJ ASAP. Yes, my family drove me nuts, but I had so much fun seeing my friends and my beautiful city that it just made me realize what I don't have here in NJ. I don't have friends. I hate my job. I hate the area I live in. Blah, blah, blah. Bitch, whine, bitch, whine.

I'm miserable at work. I avoid talking to people at all costs b/c I'm in such a foul mood. All day I tell myself how I'm going to workout that night and plan on what I'll do at the gym, but as soon as the work day is over, I just think about how I just want to go home, watch TV and go to bed early. I'm clearly depressed. What's making me even more depressed is my eating and gaining weight and clothes starting to get snug again. I promised myself I'd never get back over 200 again, but here I am!

What's it going to take to get me out of this sadness? How can I snap out of this? How can I get back to eating well and working out?

I'm so frustrated. If there were Oreo's by me, I'd eat them right now...but there isn't. ;)