Do you ever have your blog written in your head before you even sit in front of your computer? This morning, while walking Manolo, I was writing my blog in my head.
It went something like this:
-I was kicking myself, again, because I had another night of binges and no exercise. That makes ZERO minutes of exercise this week...remember my promise to do 7 hours this week?
-I was wondering why I'm doing it? Why can't I get off my ass and do something other than open the refrigerator door?
-I was thinking of how sad I am...how I really haven't been the same since returning from vacation...AND THEN IT HIT ME!
I'm homesick.
I'm really homesick. You'd think that 2 weeks with my family would make me want to kill them (which it did) and want to get back to NJ ASAP. Yes, my family drove me nuts, but I had so much fun seeing my friends and my beautiful city that it just made me realize what I don't have here in NJ. I don't have friends. I hate my job. I hate the area I live in. Blah, blah, blah. Bitch, whine, bitch, whine.
I'm miserable at work. I avoid talking to people at all costs b/c I'm in such a foul mood. All day I tell myself how I'm going to workout that night and plan on what I'll do at the gym, but as soon as the work day is over, I just think about how I just want to go home, watch TV and go to bed early. I'm clearly depressed. What's making me even more depressed is my eating and gaining weight and clothes starting to get snug again. I promised myself I'd never get back over 200 again, but here I am!
What's it going to take to get me out of this sadness? How can I snap out of this? How can I get back to eating well and working out?
I'm so frustrated. If there were Oreo's by me, I'd eat them right now...but there isn't. ;)
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Continuing on the downward (upward?) spiral & Recipe!
Bad news first: I can't stop eating. And I can't stop eating bad food! Sundays are my grocery shopping day and yesterday I did well. I bought ingredients to make Portabello Mushroom Pizza (mushroom is the dough), WW spaghetti, healthy quesadillas, & healthy breakfasts.
Items I did not buy: milk & cereal. I've known this all my life: I cannot have milk or cereal in my house. I will eat it. FAST. Also did not buy fatty snacks (cookies, ice cream, etc.).
Also, I went to the Offspring and 311 (love!) concert on Saturday. When I got there, some friends were tailgating and offered me a beer. Who am I to turn them down? I ended up having 5 that night...ugh.
I'm scared to get on the scale so I'm just not going to do it this week. I'm upping my exercise and am planning healthy meals so, hopefully (*crosses fingers*) I can drop a few lbs before I weigh in next Monday.
I put on my one pair of shorts that I own (14s) and I had muffin top! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Good news: Yesterday I decided to make a super yummy fruit salad. I had some fruit in the house that was about to go bad and bought a few types of fruit to add to it. It even has a yummy glaze on it that adds a little sweetness w/o a lot of calories.
Fruit Salad & Banana Glaze
Glaze:
1 banana
2 Tbsp honey
Juice from 1 lemon
Peel banana and cut into large chunks (think 1/3 chunks). Place in a shallow bowl and squeeze lemon on banana. Add honey. Mash up banana with a fork until it's a smooth, yet thick liquid. Pour into bowl before chopping fruit (I do this b/c when I chop up the apples, I throw them into the glaze immediately so they don't start to turn brown).
Salad (You can use any fruit, but this is just what I had on hand):
1 apple, chopped in chunks
2 pears, chopped in chunks
1 can of Mandarin Oranges, in light syrup, drained
1 lb. of strawberries, chopped in chunks
handful of grapes, halved
Chop up all the fruit and add to the glaze. It's yummy AND healthy.
Items I did not buy: milk & cereal. I've known this all my life: I cannot have milk or cereal in my house. I will eat it. FAST. Also did not buy fatty snacks (cookies, ice cream, etc.).
Also, I went to the Offspring and 311 (love!) concert on Saturday. When I got there, some friends were tailgating and offered me a beer. Who am I to turn them down? I ended up having 5 that night...ugh.
I'm scared to get on the scale so I'm just not going to do it this week. I'm upping my exercise and am planning healthy meals so, hopefully (*crosses fingers*) I can drop a few lbs before I weigh in next Monday.
I put on my one pair of shorts that I own (14s) and I had muffin top! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Good news: Yesterday I decided to make a super yummy fruit salad. I had some fruit in the house that was about to go bad and bought a few types of fruit to add to it. It even has a yummy glaze on it that adds a little sweetness w/o a lot of calories.
Fruit Salad & Banana Glaze
Glaze:
1 banana
2 Tbsp honey
Juice from 1 lemon
Peel banana and cut into large chunks (think 1/3 chunks). Place in a shallow bowl and squeeze lemon on banana. Add honey. Mash up banana with a fork until it's a smooth, yet thick liquid. Pour into bowl before chopping fruit (I do this b/c when I chop up the apples, I throw them into the glaze immediately so they don't start to turn brown).
Salad (You can use any fruit, but this is just what I had on hand):
1 apple, chopped in chunks
2 pears, chopped in chunks
1 can of Mandarin Oranges, in light syrup, drained
1 lb. of strawberries, chopped in chunks
handful of grapes, halved
Chop up all the fruit and add to the glaze. It's yummy AND healthy.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
We take the good with the bad
I mentioned I had an unfill on the 28th.
The good:
-I'm able to eat things I haven't eaten since before getting the band.
-I'm eating solid protein, veggies, and drinking tons of water with ease!
-Reflux has subsided
The bad:
-I have ZERO restriction. My band is so open that food goes through like it did before I got it.
-I've gained weight...Oh yes, I have. I'm not going to say how much, because it's quite embarrassing to have gained this amount in 11 days. My goal is to get it off in the next 28 days, though.
-Because I can eat, I've been eating things I SHOULDN'T. Examples: pizza, pancakes, cereal (total trigger food), Nachos Bell Grande (total weakness), Cheetos etc.
I have to get this under control. I'm considering signing up for a month of Weight Watchers just so I can monitor points.
I'm completely aware that I've been eating things I shouldn't and that I should be using this month to learn to eat nutritious foods that I couldn't two weeks ago. I'd like to think that I'm just getting this out of my system, but I know better than that. It's just an excuse and I'm tired of making excuses. Excuses are what got me to where I was and why I needed the band. This last week and a half shows me why I needed the band and shows me that I still have issues with food.
The good:
-I'm able to eat things I haven't eaten since before getting the band.
-I'm eating solid protein, veggies, and drinking tons of water with ease!
-Reflux has subsided
The bad:
-I have ZERO restriction. My band is so open that food goes through like it did before I got it.
-I've gained weight...Oh yes, I have. I'm not going to say how much, because it's quite embarrassing to have gained this amount in 11 days. My goal is to get it off in the next 28 days, though.
-Because I can eat, I've been eating things I SHOULDN'T. Examples: pizza, pancakes, cereal (total trigger food), Nachos Bell Grande (total weakness), Cheetos etc.
I have to get this under control. I'm considering signing up for a month of Weight Watchers just so I can monitor points.
I'm completely aware that I've been eating things I shouldn't and that I should be using this month to learn to eat nutritious foods that I couldn't two weeks ago. I'd like to think that I'm just getting this out of my system, but I know better than that. It's just an excuse and I'm tired of making excuses. Excuses are what got me to where I was and why I needed the band. This last week and a half shows me why I needed the band and shows me that I still have issues with food.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
1st Fill + I'm a Moron
Yesterday I got my first fill. They added 4cc's. I won't go into too much detail b/c I'm sure most of you know what it's like to get a fill. If you don't, leave a comment and I'll get back to you!
Afterward, I was sitting in the waiting room drinking my water (which took forever) and this lady came up to the front from the back. I guess she had her initial consultation. She asked me if I'd had the procedure and wanted to know about my experience. I told her about being self-pay, my surgery day, the post-surgery agony, the gas, my weight loss, the process of restriction, etc. I think it really helped her. I know I would have loved to have spoken w/ someone face-to-face prior to having my surgery. Sure, I read LBT and went to 2 seminars, but nothing beats picking someone's mind who has had it done and hearing what they liked and didn't like. Before I left she asked me if I would do it again. I said "absolutely! but ask me again in 11 months!" I still have so much to go through before I can truly say if I would do it again or not...but more than likely I think I'll be happy with my decision :)
So, after slooooooooowly drinking my water, I left to run errands. Let me tell you, that fill made me tight. I know it won't last and it is just inflamation, but all day I felt like something was stuck in the back of my throat. Not a pleasant feeling. So, about 2 I ate half a cup of lf cottage cheese. It took me over an hour to eat. No joke.
That night, realizing I couldn't eat any of the food in my house, I went to the grocery store and bought pudding and soup. I had half a cup of broccoli soup, but was CRAVING something sweet. So, I snuck one of my roomie's dog turd cookies (they are the pecan sandies w/ powdered sugar, but my family calls them dog turds). I ate a bite, went down okay. Took another bite, chewed, swallowed, and immediately knew I was stuck. Tried drinking water, but that was stupid b/c when you are stuck nothing can go through the band, not even water. So I hung out with my head over the kitchen sink for about twenty minutes with spit pouring out of my mouth. It felt like my chest would explode. Finally, I was in so much pain I jumped up and down throwing a fit at myself and BOOP! up it came! So, now, I can say I've had my first PB and PBing is different than puking b/c it tastes the same going out as it did going in. No bile to burn your esophagus or horrible taste in your mouth.
So, I have learned my lesson(s): 1. no more dog turds EVER 2. listen to your dr. when they say mushies only for a day or two after a fill 3. just b/c you crave it doesn't mean you can eat it.
Afterward, I was sitting in the waiting room drinking my water (which took forever) and this lady came up to the front from the back. I guess she had her initial consultation. She asked me if I'd had the procedure and wanted to know about my experience. I told her about being self-pay, my surgery day, the post-surgery agony, the gas, my weight loss, the process of restriction, etc. I think it really helped her. I know I would have loved to have spoken w/ someone face-to-face prior to having my surgery. Sure, I read LBT and went to 2 seminars, but nothing beats picking someone's mind who has had it done and hearing what they liked and didn't like. Before I left she asked me if I would do it again. I said "absolutely! but ask me again in 11 months!" I still have so much to go through before I can truly say if I would do it again or not...but more than likely I think I'll be happy with my decision :)
So, after slooooooooowly drinking my water, I left to run errands. Let me tell you, that fill made me tight. I know it won't last and it is just inflamation, but all day I felt like something was stuck in the back of my throat. Not a pleasant feeling. So, about 2 I ate half a cup of lf cottage cheese. It took me over an hour to eat. No joke.
That night, realizing I couldn't eat any of the food in my house, I went to the grocery store and bought pudding and soup. I had half a cup of broccoli soup, but was CRAVING something sweet. So, I snuck one of my roomie's dog turd cookies (they are the pecan sandies w/ powdered sugar, but my family calls them dog turds). I ate a bite, went down okay. Took another bite, chewed, swallowed, and immediately knew I was stuck. Tried drinking water, but that was stupid b/c when you are stuck nothing can go through the band, not even water. So I hung out with my head over the kitchen sink for about twenty minutes with spit pouring out of my mouth. It felt like my chest would explode. Finally, I was in so much pain I jumped up and down throwing a fit at myself and BOOP! up it came! So, now, I can say I've had my first PB and PBing is different than puking b/c it tastes the same going out as it did going in. No bile to burn your esophagus or horrible taste in your mouth.
So, I have learned my lesson(s): 1. no more dog turds EVER 2. listen to your dr. when they say mushies only for a day or two after a fill 3. just b/c you crave it doesn't mean you can eat it.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Holla.
Weekends are soooo hard for me in terms of eating correctly. I totally flubbed yesterday (and kind of this morning).
Yesterday I woke up craving carbs. Like, I would kill someone if I did not get something flour-based in my stomach immediately. I know myself and if I don't give in to the craving, I'm going to screw up even worse for the rest of the day. So, I went to McD's and got hot cakes. Felt much better.
I did better the rest of the day, except for last night. I had an oven pizza. Not all of it, not even half of it, but I did eat all of the cheese and pepperoni off of it. I was watching my favorite college football game of the year and was really craving pizza (we didn't win, btw, but came soooooo close). I can tell my stomach is shrinking already. Normally, I can eat a whole oven pizza no problem. Last night, I definitely could not and I really wasn't into the dough and crust. Anyway, so I effed up.
I know cheating is bad and, if done too horribly I run the risk of not being banded, but I'm not concerned about one day. Especially since many people don't have a pre-op at all and many do cheat just a smidge. I'm back on track today! Ready to finish strong and get my band. I can't believe it's just 5 short days away.
This morning I met my family at Waffle House for breakfast to say goodbye to my sister, niece, and my sister's fiance until Christmas. Everyone had HUGE portions and massive amounts of food. Not me! I had 2 eggs over medium and two sausage patties. It was PERFECT.
This week I'm looking forward to getting all my stuff together for being at the beach for 10 days, going to the gym to burn some extra fat, and maybe, just maybe an interview! Please keep your fingers crossed for me!
<3
Yesterday I woke up craving carbs. Like, I would kill someone if I did not get something flour-based in my stomach immediately. I know myself and if I don't give in to the craving, I'm going to screw up even worse for the rest of the day. So, I went to McD's and got hot cakes. Felt much better.
I did better the rest of the day, except for last night. I had an oven pizza. Not all of it, not even half of it, but I did eat all of the cheese and pepperoni off of it. I was watching my favorite college football game of the year and was really craving pizza (we didn't win, btw, but came soooooo close). I can tell my stomach is shrinking already. Normally, I can eat a whole oven pizza no problem. Last night, I definitely could not and I really wasn't into the dough and crust. Anyway, so I effed up.
I know cheating is bad and, if done too horribly I run the risk of not being banded, but I'm not concerned about one day. Especially since many people don't have a pre-op at all and many do cheat just a smidge. I'm back on track today! Ready to finish strong and get my band. I can't believe it's just 5 short days away.
This morning I met my family at Waffle House for breakfast to say goodbye to my sister, niece, and my sister's fiance until Christmas. Everyone had HUGE portions and massive amounts of food. Not me! I had 2 eggs over medium and two sausage patties. It was PERFECT.
This week I'm looking forward to getting all my stuff together for being at the beach for 10 days, going to the gym to burn some extra fat, and maybe, just maybe an interview! Please keep your fingers crossed for me!
<3