Is this what progress is??

Sorry I haven't posted since going to ATL, but I really hate blogging from work and lately, that's all I've been doing!

I went to my surgeon back home to get a fill...my second since having almost everything removed. A new NP was in and once I told her the whole history of my band, she decided to see how much was actually in there. If every fill / unfill was done correctly in the past, she would have pulled out 4.9cc. She pulled out around 6! I ended up leaving the office with 6.25...I think.

I'm curious how I ended up with an extra cc! I think it was in there prior to my big unfill and that's one of the reasons I was so tight back in May / June and had to suck on ice chips just to stay hydrated!

Anyway, I'm liking this fill. I'm eating less and eating less often. Here's an example of my lunch yesterday:

Before I started eating (2 grapes are missing, I ate those before taking the picture):


And here is the after picture taken after I was full:


I ended up eating the raspberries about 3 hours later as a snack and drank 1/4 of a protein drink on my 2 hour drive home.

Exercise is still an issue. I did walk / run over 3 miles Monday night. It took me 45 minutes. I think that's pretty good for never running! I plan to do it again tonight. I motivate myself to do it because my poor dog is crated for 11 hours a day so I know she needs to get out and run or speed-walk in her case. I don't run fast enough to keep up with her so she trots while I try and run :)

I'm going to update my ticker this afternoon and show how much I've gained. It's not pretty. When I weighed in at my surgeon's I was up 31lb from end of June. Luckily, I've dropped about 4 of those in a week and a half.

Keep moving forward!

Making the Best of Bandster Hell

I'm trying desperately to keep up my weightloss during Bandster Hell.  It would break my heart to regress or to not lose any weight between now and when I get restriction.

To avoid this possibility I've started keeping an online food log at fitday.com.  I'm trying to keep my caloric intake below 1000 and keep a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat.  Yesterday I didn't get near enough protein.  I only had one protein shake to supplement my protein intake.

Another way I plan to avoid gaining, I need to pick up the exercise.  I've noticed on LBT that those who are super successful exercise.  It's just so hard right now because I get embarrassed, but I have to get over that.

Happy November!

We've finally reached my banding month! I'm so excited! 18 days! Holy shish-kabobs!

I have been unable to find Liquid Tylenol without it being Children's Tylenol...any ideas?

This weekend my tennis team had our first round of playoffs. We've already won our division, now we're just working our way to City Finals. We weren't able to play on Saturday as planned due to the craptastic weather. So, we played yesterday. It was so exciting. We won the first match, lost the next two, then, as I was playing my match, we won another match...so it all came down to my match. After 3 sets, we won! Now we proceed to round 2 of playoffs on Saturday!

I'm kind of excited that I was able to clinch the win for us. It feels awesome! What does not feel awesome is my body. My left foot is killing me today. It's the plantar fascitis. I can't wait to lose some of this weight. I'm sure the issue will alleviate itself.

Also, one of my teammates deemed herself the official team photographer yesterday to document our amazing season. She posted the photos last night and, boy, they are not pretty. See for yourself:

OMG. When I saw those, I wanted to DIE. I look so freaking gross (except my sunglasses...they are fab-u-lous).

I think another one of the things that has gotten me here (all 260lbs of me) is that I have kind of a reverse body dysmorphia. Most people with body dysmorphic disorder are thin and see themselves as fat. When I look in the mirror, I see myself about 30 - 40lb thinner than what I really am and really only see the evidence of just how truly obese I am in pictures. In my head, I feel like as long as no one takes a picture of me, no one will see me like as I really am. So sad.

Anticipation!!

I'm getting so excited about getting banded. I wish it would be possible for me to get it sooner, but I can't. Boo on you, job.

Howeva, I have been working with my general dr. to begin to get off some of my pills, namely my Paxil. If anyone has ever taken any kind of medication that alters your mood / anxiety, you know how difficult it is to get off this stuff. I've been titrating down (decreasing my dosage) for several weeks now and still feel wierd. I call it "the zingers." I can feel my eyeballs moving in my head and it makes me nauseaus. I was supposed to 1/2 my 40 mg. pills for 2 weeks, but I'm almost at my 3rd week doing it just because I can't see myself going down to 10 mg just yet.

I'm so excited about tomorrow night...tennis starts back up! Our practices are on Wednesday nights and I absolutely love my team. I haven't been able to play since April due to a foot injury so I missed the Summer season (but I'm okay with that because it's hotter than hell here) so I get to see all my chicas and exercise in a fun way!

I've also been taking Manolo, my dog, on 40 min. power walks. We did one on Sunday and one tonight when I got home from work. She needs to get her sniffs in and I need to get my heart pumpin. I look like a cow walking, but that's okay, I know that I won't for long!