Like a bull in a china shop...

True story, I have an E.D. I think a few of us do who are overweight. I binge. No purge, just binge. This is one of the reasons why I go to a therapist!

She has a great analogy for talking about binging and how to stop it before it gets full-blown. She says that it's like I'm in a china shop and when I start my binge it's like I've dropped a tea cup. Instead of getting down in the dumps depressed about it and spiraling out of control into a full-blown binge I should stop with breaking the tea cup and not break all the china in the shop. It's like, okay. You effed up, you ate a pint of ice cream...but stop with that. Don't go for the package of cookies and bag of chips, too. Then, she says, we give ourselves hugs and kisses and move on.

This is so great, in theory. Only, when I start a binge and think of that saying I think to myself, "ahhh, eff it!" and continue shoving food in my mouth.

True story: the band does not cure binging. You can still do it, oh yes you can.

Another thing I've been thinking about when I binge (and I can honestly say I've never thought of it like this before) is why I do it. Yes, I have emotional hunger, but that hunger stems from sadness. The truth is that I'm incredibly unhappy with my life right now. All my unhappiness can, in one way or another, be attributed to my job. I travel 5 days a week and cannot get into a food / exercise routine, invest in my new friendships, sleep in my own bed, start dating, etc. I enjoy the actual work I do and the clients I work with, I just wish it wasn't in another state.

Things to think about...

Also, has anyone attended or know someone who has attended at OA meeting? What was it like? Positive / negative reviews?

Has it seriously been 3 weeks??

I'm so sorry. I keep thinking of things I want to write but don't because I'm at a client.

However, I'm doing it anyway today.

Something happened several weeks ago that made me realize I need help. It was an anger issue and it made me realize just how out of control I can be. Don't worry, I didn't hit anyone or anything like that, but the feeling inside me was so horrible and I knew it wasn't right.

So, I started seeing a therapist. I've only seen her twice, but she specializes in patients who have eating disorders and those who've had or are planning to have some sort of weight loss surgery.

So far, so good. I wish I would have done this sooner and I can't really describe how nice it is just to TALK to someone and they be supportive. She is candid, uses foul language, and is really helpful. She helps me with my anger and helps me to embrace it and use it in a positive way. I'm really excited to see where this goes.

She recommended a book for me, Shrink Yourself. It focuses on emotional eating. I'm looking forward to getting it and working through it.

Another development today: the floroscopy place called today and ask if I would be willing to b e interviewed for a NJ publication about them and their services. I'm more than happy to do it, but ONLY if my name is nowhere near it. :)

Anyway, Christmas shopping & wrapping is done. I'm leaving to drive to ATL on the 24th and will be there until the 2nd with a slight detour to our beach house. Can't wait!