i wasn't joking...

...when I named this blog "it's not a sprint, it's a marathon."

I heard that phrase at a lap-band seminar. You know, the one you have to go to for just about every surgeon? Well, I ended up not using that surgeon, but only because I was self-pay and really didn't want to shell out thousands more for someone who is a really great public speaker.

However! His words still ring true and follow me.

I'm a few days away from my one-year bandiversary so I'll save the long post for then, but I just wanted to say that I'm finally happy with where I'm at and how I'm progressing. Who knew it would take this long? I'm just glad I'm not falling into the "failure" category. It's a scary thought.

I'm down to 214, so I've pretty much lost 8 lb in 2.5 weeks. I attribute it to eating less (and staying satisfied after meals) and exercise! Who would have thought...that's the proper recipe for losing weight?!?! HA!

Like I said, I'll do the year-in-review in 9 days, but for now, just know that it's going well...finally.

Vacay Update!

I'm still mid-vacation...lucky me!

We were at the beach house last week and it was beautiful! No tar, no oil, no smell...it was fabulous! I'll share pics when I get back to NJ. I even went to a water park!

We came back to ATL yesterday and I went to my original surgeon's office. I spoke to the Nurse Practitioner and we talked about the problems I've had. She agreed that some fluid had to come out. So, she took out 2cc and that now leaves me at 3.9cc. Sooo, I'm pretty loose, but I think this is what my body needs to heal, especially from the reflux.

I'm at a new low, 192.8 (I left the ticker at 193 b/c I round up) so I finally passed that 70lb mark! 40lb more to go to my ULTIMATE goal. :)

I'll post more when I get back to NJ!

Shocking...

I was just reading up at LBT to get my daily inspiration and found a post from someone who was banded in early November who says they want to give up and get the LB taken out b/c they have only lost 12 lb in the 21 days post surgery.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

Ridiculous is what I say about that poster.  If they wanted to just drop lbs as quickly as possible, they should have gone for the gastric bypass.  We are told that this is going to be a long, slow process.  That the band is a TOOL and not a quick fix. 

It simply amazes me that people are willing to give up so quick!  We want to lose weight at a healthy pace (it helps with the excess skin!  helloooooo).  Personally, I don't want to drop a lot of weight immediately.  I want it to be a slow but continous thing.

We have to stay positive and motivated, y'all!!!

3 more days!

I'm getting so gosh darn excited. Surprisingly, I'm not nervous at all. Ask me again on Thursday evening, though.

Update on the pre-op diet: I hate it. Protein officially sucks unless it's in shake form. I received 5 samples from Chike nutrition and they are delicious! Otherwise, I hate meals. I basically eat to feel full, definitely not for taste.

I still really need to get my room in order. I don't want to have a lot to do when I get back from recouping at the beach. I need to finish my laundry, change my sheets, and clean / vacuum.

Last night I got my pain meds from the pharmacy. Is it bad when the people at Target Pharmacy know you by name? I think so. I'm hoping that changes over the next few months. I'm hoping that my prescriptions will be greatly reduced due to my weight loss.

2 posts in 2 days!

I think I'm going through a "Quarter Life Crisis" or is it "Third Life Crisis" now? Yes. I think it's "Third Life Crisis."

I am not happy where I'm at in my life and it's not just because of my weight. I'm not satisfied with my career path. I don't like where it's going. I fear that if I stay in this industry I will end up angry and hating my job (which I currently do). Therefore, I want to change industries. However, in order to change industries, I would most likely have to go back to school and, being that I am self pay for my Lap-Band, it is unlikely that a bank would give me a loan to cover my tuition, books, mortgage, living expenses, etc.

So, it makes me want to sell my house! Then I wouldn't need money for a mortgage. I can rent an apartment for 1/2 of what my mortgage is. BUT the real estate market is still in the shitter and there is no sign of it getting better. Example: I bought my place in 3/08 and now, my neighbors are listing (not actually selling) their places for $25k less than what I paid. Can you say screwed?

Anyway, I don't know what to do. I was thinking of looking in to becoming an Office Manager of a nice medical practice. Serious title cut, but I think the work would be more satisfying. If the practice is nice enough I would make comparable money, I think.

I'll look into it. It's nothing pressing.

Getting Nervous

The countdown has begun...I can't believe it! I'm less than a month away from being banded (hopefully)!!!! My surgery date is November 20th. However, I'm also nervous.

I'm not nervous about the procedure or the change in lifestyle. I'm nervous that it won't happen at all. I worry that they won't be happy with my blood test results and I worry about the financing going through. Now, I can't do much about the blood test results. Que sera sera, but I have been trying to positively influence the outcome of what CareCredit will say. By the time I apply for credit (yes, I'm waiting until the last possible moment), I will have paid off two credit cards. They were never high dollar cards, but boy were they high interest! I'll only have one credit card left and it is a doozie. High debt to equity. That's the one I'm concerned about. However, I pay chunks on it each month so we'll see.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me! I wish a thousand dollars would just fall into my lap so I can pay a large chunk of that cc off. Unlikely, but I'll keep wishing!!!! :)

Also, went to my general dr today and noticed that I lost 4lb! Granted, I've gained weight since I posted my weight on here, but still. It just shows that in the last month I've been moving in the right direction.

Anticipation!!

I'm getting so excited about getting banded. I wish it would be possible for me to get it sooner, but I can't. Boo on you, job.

Howeva, I have been working with my general dr. to begin to get off some of my pills, namely my Paxil. If anyone has ever taken any kind of medication that alters your mood / anxiety, you know how difficult it is to get off this stuff. I've been titrating down (decreasing my dosage) for several weeks now and still feel wierd. I call it "the zingers." I can feel my eyeballs moving in my head and it makes me nauseaus. I was supposed to 1/2 my 40 mg. pills for 2 weeks, but I'm almost at my 3rd week doing it just because I can't see myself going down to 10 mg just yet.

I'm so excited about tomorrow night...tennis starts back up! Our practices are on Wednesday nights and I absolutely love my team. I haven't been able to play since April due to a foot injury so I missed the Summer season (but I'm okay with that because it's hotter than hell here) so I get to see all my chicas and exercise in a fun way!

I've also been taking Manolo, my dog, on 40 min. power walks. We did one on Sunday and one tonight when I got home from work. She needs to get her sniffs in and I need to get my heart pumpin. I look like a cow walking, but that's okay, I know that I won't for long!

Where I am, how I got here, and what I'm doing about it

Where I am....

I currently weigh 254 lbs and am 5'8" tall. Weight has been something I have struggled with every.single.day. of my life. I have been on a diet since I was 4 years old and have always been the chunky, heavy, chubby, larger, overweight girl. I've always been the girl with such a pretty face.

How I got here...

I always felt restricted as a child. My mom wouldn't let me have PB&J as a kid; I had to eat a turkey sandwich (no mayo, mustard only). I couldn't have ice cream at lunch like all the other kids; I got carrot sticks. So, I began hording and bingeing. I would come home from school and, while my mom was still at work, would binge on whatever I could find and would hide it. I wouldn't purge, either. I've done this since I was 7.

I've been able to get "thinner." Not skinny, but probably what the average person would call normal...it's just taken me working my ass off in the gym, spending $$$ on diet programs, or being very closely supervised in terms of what I eat. As soon as I get to that good size, I balloon back to the weight I was before, plus some. And that's how I got to 254.

What I'm doing about it...

I've decided to get a Lap-Band. This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life and I hate it. My foot is screwed up because of the weight, my migraines have gotten worse, I can't sleep at night, my (fat) clothes don't fit, and I sweat like the fattest pig ever.

I no longer want to be the fat girl. I don't want to worry about what I'm wearing or where I can buy clothes. I want to get married. I want to have kids. I don't want to be a fat mom. I would give my right arm just to be "normal." Not thin, just normal.

I am currently in the process of deciding who will be my surgeon. I already know that my insurance will not pay for it so I will be footing the bill all on my own. I am looking for a surgeon who accepts credit, whose staff I like, and who has a decent price. I think I have found the place, but I will be attending one more seminar on Saturday for another surgeon just to be sure.

In any event, I have an appointment with my likely surgeon's office next Thursday for my diagnostic appointment. There, they will go over my paperwork, take bloodwork, and decide if I need further testing.

I'm really excited about this journey and can't wait for it to begin!