Maintaining?

OK, so when I went back to get my fill on 8/9 it turned out that I had gained ~20lb in about 6 weeks. Bad, huh?

So, the NP told me that my goal needs to be to lose those 20lb by the time I come back in December for another fill.

Good news is, I've lost a few of the pounds. Bad news is that it's just not coming off all that easy and, to be honest, I understand why. I'm not working out like I should and my eating is not so great, still. Even though I'm at 4.9 cc, I really have very little restriction. I feel my band, but I don't get full when I should. Therefore, I continue to eat.

I totally know what I have to do, but the motivation is seriously lacking. Boo. And, since I live in a hotel 5 nights a week, eating healthy foods is a true chore. I have a microwave and a refrigerator, but no oven and I can't eat another Lean Cuisine even if you paid me $100.

ALSO, this really weird thing started about 3 weeks ago where I absolutely MUST have something sweet after a meal. It's like my body is craving it! So, I'm trying the SF FF pudding thing, but am getting pretty grossed out really quick. Any ideas?

Seacrest out!

Pee ess: I think I have a few new followers, but can't access your blog! If you are following me and I'm not following you, please comment and leave the address to your blog!

We take the good with the bad

I mentioned I had an unfill on the 28th.

The good:
-I'm able to eat things I haven't eaten since before getting the band.
-I'm eating solid protein, veggies, and drinking tons of water with ease!
-Reflux has subsided

The bad:
-I have ZERO restriction. My band is so open that food goes through like it did before I got it.
-I've gained weight...Oh yes, I have. I'm not going to say how much, because it's quite embarrassing to have gained this amount in 11 days. My goal is to get it off in the next 28 days, though.
-Because I can eat, I've been eating things I SHOULDN'T. Examples: pizza, pancakes, cereal (total trigger food), Nachos Bell Grande (total weakness), Cheetos etc.

I have to get this under control. I'm considering signing up for a month of Weight Watchers just so I can monitor points.

I'm completely aware that I've been eating things I shouldn't and that I should be using this month to learn to eat nutritious foods that I couldn't two weeks ago. I'd like to think that I'm just getting this out of my system, but I know better than that. It's just an excuse and I'm tired of making excuses. Excuses are what got me to where I was and why I needed the band. This last week and a half shows me why I needed the band and shows me that I still have issues with food.

I spoke too soon.

Getting an unfill tomorrow. SO FRUSTRATING!!!! But it has to be done.

I had the fill last Tuesday and he put in the .2 cc that he removed 2 months before (that puts me at 6.2 cc in a 10 cc band). The thing is, I think he should have only put in .1 cc because when he did it under floroscopy, only a little trickle of barium was going through. It looked too tight on the film, but he's the doctor / surgeon and I would hope he'd know what to look for. Obviously not.

I felt okay Tuesday - Thursday (was tight, but thought it was like how I am with every other adjustment...sensitive), but on Friday I was in Hell. I started having reflux in the night. I would sleep for 15 min then would wake up hacking and coughing with a mouth full of acid. Horrible. I can barely get any liquids down. The only way I get any liquid in is by sucking on ice chips. Hello, it's been SIX DAYS since my adjustment!!! I'm miserable, pure miserable.

So now I have to pay an additional $400 to fix this doctor's mistake. I am SO not made of money and this cannot become a habit.

I hate my employer for not electing bariatric coverage, I hate being self pay, I hate not being in ATL where MY DOCTOR is and where my adjustments are free.

I'm so frustrated. Really trying not to flip out on someone.

Fills: A Catch 22

Fills are wonderful things, yet nightmares for me.

I'm one of those people who is extra sensitive to fills. Instead of being on 24 or 48 hrs of liquids post-fill, I'm on liquids for about a full week. Then, I sloooowly start adding in mushies. It's like going through the surgery all over again. It stinks because around day 3 I just want something solid in my tummy, but it's wonderful b/c this is the stage where I lose a ton of weight.

For example: it's been around 48 hours since my fill and I have already dropped 4.5 lb. I'm now no longer considered obese! I'm just 2.5 lb away from Onederland, as well! One might think that I'll gain some of this weight back when I start eating mushies & solids, but that's not so, my friends! It hasn't happened yet and I'm not about to start.

Tonight I'm going out with some girls and we're going to learn how to do the Hustle (Queue the music...). Fun times!

Do you ever...

Do you ever have days where you just don't feel like eating? You are hungry, but you really don't want to go through the hassle of finding something band-friendly to eat? Or maybe eating just isn't fun like it used to be?

That's how I feel. I guess it's good that eating isn't fun like it used to be b/c that's one of the reasons why I got so fat. Eating should be for sustenance, not enjoyment...or at least that's what super healthy people always say. I don't know about you, but sometimes I really miss eating like I used to.

Perfect example: I hail from the land of Chick-fil-a. Greatest fast food restaurant. EVER. Now that I'm up north, Chick-fil-as are hard to come by. So, I found one about 45 min. away and for the last two weeks I've been planning to make a trek for the delicious nuggets w/ Polynesian sauce. So, I went on Saturday. I ordered the 12 nugget pack (bc I wanted left overs, holla!) and an iced tea. As I was walking to my table, my mouth was watering, my heart started racing, and I started anticipating how delicious these hot nuggets would be! I took a bite the size of a 1/3 of a nugget. I chewed and chewed and chewed and swallowed. Stuck. That day, I was able to eat 2 nuggets. I would have given almost anything to chew away at those delicious morsels and not feel my band. One of the few times I've felt that way.

But today, I just don't feel like eating at all! I don't want to deal with feeling my band when I eat. I made a great crustless quiche last night with broccoli, mushrooms, and cheese, but I just don't feel like eating it for lunch today...or any other food really. My tummy says "lets eat!" but my head says "why bother?" I know I have to eat, but meals are just much more of an ordeal than they used to be.

You see, my band is very temperamental. There aren't a lot of things I can eat that go down smoothly. I eat slightly on the side of mushies on a normal basis. I read what many of my fellow bloggers eat and I constantly think: no way could my band handle that!

I guess even though I will be 5 months post-op tomorrow, I'm still getting used to changing my mental thinking when it comes to eating. I have this notion that I can eat anything I want, just in smaller portions. Not so. I need to come to realize that there are some things I may never eat again.

Problems!!

I’m having serious problems when it comes to restriction…it’s gone. I haven’t lost a pound in 3 weeks! In fact, I’ve PUT ON 1.5lb. No good, let me tell you. I flirted with my sweet spot, but that’s all it was…flirtation.

I can now chug water (no good), eat cookies (no good), and am hungry at 8am (NO GOOD!). I’m not stupid or naïve. I know what my problems are now I just need to fix them.:

-Cadburry Eggs - I’ve probably eaten a good 20 this Easter. Since Easter is over, this is no longer a problem.

-Candy – specifically chocolate. This became a problem when the Cadburrys became a problem. Oh! And I found that if I was hungry and was too tight (b/c of a fill), I’d eat a chocolate bar and would let the pieces melt in my mouth.

-Tartar Sauce – I eat fish and when I eat fish, I eat Tartar Sauce. I am not going to buy anymore b/c the fat content is just way too high.

-String Cheese – I had been buying the non-low fat version b/c I was having a hard time getting fat and calories. This is no longer a problem. If I must eat string cheese, it’s going to be low-fat from now on.

So, now that restriction (aka sweet spot or green zone) is gone, I have to change a few nasty habits and increase the exercise. I’ve started with the exercise, now just to change those eating habits and I’ll be good, I hope!

In non-band related issues, I am so frustrated about work. I cannot stand the PMO of my current project. He’s not only a jerk to me, but has no filter when it comes to speaking to our client. He flipped out on me today and when that happens, I don’t react so well. If someone starts yelling at me, I yell right back. I can’t help it!

God, grant me patience PLEASE!!!